My Companion Constantly Focuses On Her Own Life: Is It Time to End the Friendship?

We've been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished then, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us retired and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday to a country I know well many times even called home for a while. I attempted to offer insights, but this was met with resistance. She really only wanted my agreement with her choices. I've just ended four weeks in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can grasp the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. The second is to tell the way it makes you feel. There should be no dispute about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. The third step involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss all you say, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have closure from having been truthful.