Must A Wannabe Influencer Friend Stop Using People for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?